The Things We Do For Love: 90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days Recap

I’m probably one of the most talkative people you’ll ever meet. I always have something to say. Yet, every time I watch the hot mess that is the 90 Day Fiance, I’m just left in mind blowing shock. I sit there, and I try to make sense of the people on the show, but….NOPE….it’s not even worth it. There is no reasoning at all behind these people’s brain activities.

On Sunday night, we saw some engagements, unfortunately some very sad health issues, and of course one hell of an overdue break up! Let’s start with the engagements that I watched with one eye open, and one eye closed….because that’s how awkward, cheesy, raunchy, and embarrassing they were…

Ricky and Ximena

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Via InTouch Weekly

I have to start off by thanking the producers of this show for doing a close up of the fanny pack, as Ricky was off to propose to Ximena. What the F is it with that damn fanny pack?! Does he not realize that is not sexy at all! Call me pretentious, but if I was starting to date a guy, and he busted into our date with a fanny pack, I’d be G-O-N-E. No, just no. So, Ricky set up a nice little lunch on some sort of floating veranda….nice idea, but the way he proposed was little cheesy (but obviously I wouldn’t expect any different from this dude). He tells Ximena to stand and look out with her back to him, because he wanted to take a picture of her. He then tells her to turn around, as he is on one knee and holding the ring he brought to propose to the other chick….Melissa….you know the one he actually went to Colombia for….the one that wanted nothing to do with him because he’s cheesy AF. Well, Ximena said yes to his proposal all telenovela style, and towered over him, as she almost took him down with a hug. Side note: is it me, or can this Ximena girl not find a top that fits her correctly? She loves the peplum style tops, which is fine, but they’re always too tight and short on her. Anyways, she accepted Melissa’s ring as her own, and fanny pack man was beaming that at least he got his second choice to marry him.

Tarik and Hazel

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Tarik, did you leave your brain in Virginia Beach, dude?! This guy cannot see and understand that this Hazel broad is not into him in the least bit. Homegirl just wants to put an end to her poverty driven life in the Phillipines, and finally have a comfortable life in America. Every scene with this “couple” is so awkward to watch. She’s basically half dead, has no expression, her body language screams “Tarik, you gross me the F out”. Then, we have Tarik pretending there’s something there only because he has some Angelina Jolie fetish. Can someone please break it to him, that she is the farthest thing from Jolie! Anyway, they’re still at that “El Nido” resort, she tells him what clearly was a lie to just get this idiot to finally give her a damn ring, but hey….she’s smart, because it worked. She told him that her sister lives in Japan and married a well-off Japanese man. And that her sister has a wealthy Japanese man reserved for her over there. Bullshit. Of course, since Tarik left his brain back in Virginia, he fell for it, and proposed to her….just like she wanted. The worst part of it all, he proposed by bringing his beat up speaker on the beach, and playing some awful rap song he wrote for her. This guy, now thinks he is the next Jay-Z. No, really….he is releasing the dreadful song on iTunes next week. I can’t with this guy. I was literally covering my face with my blanket as I watched their engagement scene. So bad.

Angela and Michael

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Angela, can you please wake the F up, and go back to America! This guy has a Trump shrine in his bedroom, and just wants to live in the same country as him. He is 100% using you! That’s right, Michael the silent scammer, succeeded. On last night’s episode, Angela gave him the honor of coming to America for marriage, by handing him an American flag straight out of her boobs. The classy-ness doesn’t end there folks….inside the flag was the ring she purchased from the thrift store for him. Yes. She proposed to him. But, he also gave her a ring after. Possibly also from a thrift store. Well, these two wackos are engaged, but from the looks of next week’s episode, that engagement may be over. Supposedly, Michael emptied out her bank account. Well played silent scammer, well played….

Jon and Rachel

Rachel is traveling to London for her wedding to Jon. But, she’s got her panties in bunch, yet again, because she found out Jon was talking to one of his exes. When she arrived to London, she sat and talked to him about it, and really it was no big deal. All it was, was an innocent reconnection between Jon and his ex, telling her how sorry he was for being a dick to her back in the day, but at least now he knows how to to really love a woman, and happy he is marrying Rachel. But, of course Rachel only thinks and sees bad, so to her, he basically cheated. Rachel…girl….this ridiculous reaction just comes from your deep rooted insecurities. Instead of being insecure, do something about it. She has some issues with her self appearance, fine. Well, there’s this thing called exercise. Also, wearing T-shirts you get for free from local businesses, doesn’t really help boost your sexy points. Stop worrying, complaining, whining, moping, and do something! Sigh!

Karine & Paul

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As much as we like to poke fun of this odd couple, Sunday’s episode was quite sad. Unfortunately, Karine miscarried the baby. Paul was very distraught, as he had additional anxiety from not understanding any of the nurses and doctors examining Karine. By the way, how insensitive was that doctor that did the ultrasound on her?! This is the head, arms, oh and the baby is no more. Not sure if things were mixed up in the translation, but if that’s exactly how he let Karine know about the baby, that’s messed up. Talk about crap bedside manner! We will see in next week’s episode how they continue to cope and manage with this loss. But, supposedly Karine is currently pregnant. And, she is pretty far along. So, we wish her a continued healthy pregnancy, and and a healthy Paul Jr. on the way! :)

LASTLY,

The Trainwreck that are Jesse and Darcey

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Let’s be real, these two should have broken up the first day they met. This mess should have never happened. Let me put it this way, if a psychiatrist wanted to do a super toxic relationship experiment, by putting together two of the most incompatible personalities and characteristics, it would hands down be Jesse and Darcey. You have a narcissistic alpha male, and a very insecure woman, with a bonus of a mid life crisis. Queue in volcano eruption…..NOW. On Sunday’s episode we saw how “kind” Jesse was to fly from Amsterdam to New York, to dump Darcey in person versus the phone. I’m totally convinced this guy is like the Dexter of emotions. He gets off on watching people upset or something. And poor Darcey. Walking around New York like a newborn calf in those heels, huge coat, and luggage. I’m surprised she didn’t face plant in every single scene. But, it seems Jesse didn’t get enough satisfaction from dumping her in an Uber. On next Sunday’s episode, he goes to her hotel room to dump her some more. Darcey, if you’re reading this….get some true self help treatment, know you’re enough, and find yourself a mature, kind man your age. She’s clearly in a very insecure state, and needs a ton of growth to escape this shit phase of her life. 

‘till next week 90 Day fans….