Why Owning Your Sexuality is One of the Greatest Gifts You Can Give Yourself
By Daniela Cantillo
Time and time again, I’ve felt compelled to conceal my sexuality. My upbringing, the environment I grew up in, and overall pressure from society led me to believe that enjoying sex was shameful - especially (and to be honest, almost exclusively) as a woman. I’m sure this is the case for many, and that fact - though unsurprising - is still problematic.
As women, we are often raised to be pure, meek, and delicate flowers worth plucking (pun intended, or whatever). We’re taught, directly or indirectly, that our virginity is precious - that we should wait to have sex with the person we hope to spend the rest of our lives with, and that having multiple sexual partners is somehow wrong. We’re shamed for the clothes we wear because they’re too revealing or sexy. On the other hand, all of these traits we’re taught to develop from a young age are ironically intended to attract men. As usual - damned if we do, damned it we don’t.
While we’ve seen great progress in the female empowerment department, the underlying repression and shame are still there. And quite frankly, I’ve been tired of them for a while now. Some time ago, I decided to be myself - to lean into my primal nature, to channel my inner sex goddess, and to dress however I want without giving a single damn what anybody says. I invite you to do the same - for you, and for you only.
When I stopped trying to project an image of chastity and pureness, I was easily able to ward off men who equated sexual freedom with shame. This also made it a lot easier for me to gauge a man’s fragility and close-mindedness, and simply say, “next!” when they gave me unsolicited opinions on my “body count” and other arbitrary metrics designed to shame women. There’s also nothing more rewarding than being true to yourself, no matter how intimidating it can be at first.
On that note, owning your sexuality can help you find better company - and I don’t only mean dating. For me, I found that once I decided to stop feeling shame for being a sexually liberated woman, I started losing friends who were uncomfortable by my sexual freedom and began attracting friends who understood and respected my choices. Consequently, I began feeling more comfortable in my own skin, and stopped feeling the need to disclaim or justify my choices.
Personally, I’ve found that owning my sexuality has actually helped me enjoy sex more. Being vocal about my desires and being confident in my sexuality has shown me that, news flash, women can enjoy sex too and not only act as sex objects to get men off. Own your sexuality, and you’ll see that you’ll magically begin attracting people who care for your pleasure as much as their own.
Sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures, and enjoying it freely is one of the most wonderful things about being a woman.