Simple Ways to Keep your Perfectionism from Ruining your Relationship

By Rebecca Shinn

People seek love on Dating Mentor, fall in love, go on dates, and decide to build their lives together. But sometimes it doesn’t work. Perfectionism in relationships is a rather relative concept. You may think that there are only two perceptions of the situation: your own and the wrong one. And you try to fit the relationship into the framework of your ideal vision. At the same time, half-hearted results do not suit you: all or nothing.

We all show perfectionism towards our partners in one way or another. Problems begin if you constantly press on a loved one and break their lives to make it closer to your perfect picture. Admittedly, perfectionism can destroy any relationship. How does perfectionism affect relationships, you ask? How to overcome perfectionism? Let’s dive in…

How to avoid perfectionism from ruining relationships?

Lower Your Expectations

You should not underestimate your requirements because each of us needs a reliable companion with certain positive qualities. However, you should not overestimate your expectations too much. 

People suffering from the negative effects of perfectionism want everything at once, strive for a non-existent ideal, which, of course, is simply impossible to achieve. It is why many of us are faced with chronic loneliness: the point is not that absolutely all potential partners are not worthy of attention, but that our requirements are greatly overestimated. In other words, try to think realistically and (which is very difficult but possible) accept your partner as they are.

Let your partner be imperfect

Being a perfectionist in relationships means trying to control other people, demanding certain behaviors and actions. But no one likes being in control or being forced, even if you "know better how to do it." Remember that all people will remain as they are, no matter how you want them to be. It is not only our virtues that make us unique people, but also our human weaknesses, yes, our shortcomings, from which you cannot get away.

Remember that a mistake is not a disaster, at least not always. Be bold and admit that mistakes happen to everyone, and no one is protected from them. Not making mistakes means never having the opportunity to truly learn and develop – this is the main thought in perfectionism psychology. Accept your partner's mistakes and help them become better around you, avoiding criticism and pressure.

Communicate more

As with all aspects of a relationship, honest and clear communication can make the difference between a happy bond and a challenging one. It may not be easy to talk openly about the consequences of perfectionism. However, it is important that both partners feel they can be heard and accepted. Communication can cherish understanding, empathy, and respect between partners. Make sure to schedule a time for regular communication. Having a weekly "meeting" for a conversation at a convenient time can ensure that a busy schedule doesn't interfere with good communication.

Your goal should be to sort things out without an argument. And don't do it for every little thing. It is better to undermine the points of what you find challenging to put up with, and have these conversations in a calm and friendly manner.

Enjoy time together
This is a critical point about perfectionism and relationships. Have you noticed that you are so focused on your goals that leisure does not bring you joy? Psychologists explain that some perfectionists find life meaningless if they don't always strive for a particular result and relationships. Leisure time devoted to activities that serve no purpose other than pleasure is rarely appreciated in a perfectionist's routine.

Share your rest with your partner not just as a break from your regular activities aimed at results but as a pleasant and valuable time.

Know your boundaries

We also have essential advice for a partner who is in a relationship with a perfectionist. It is crucial that you stick to your ideas without being negatively influenced by your partner's perfectionism. It may take you a while to learn this skill. When your partner puts pressure on you, becomes critical, or wants to take on a task of yours because their anxiety is too great, gently remind them where their concern ends and your feelings begin. A compromise is an excellent tool in a relationship, but sticking to your beliefs is essential too.

You should remember that in order to listen to a person's point of view, you must not only try not to put excessive pressure on the partner but also remember to demonstrate your love, care, tenderness, and support. In addition, we all must not forget that we ourselves are far from ideal, which means we do not have the right to force a partner to match our ideals. Agree; it makes no sense to build unjustified expectations because only disappointment will inevitably follow.

How do you handle your perfectionism? Do you have any experience in having a relationship with a perfectionist?

About the Writer

Rebecca Shinn is a freelance writer and dating and relationship expert with a Psychology degree. Her field of expertise is relationship, dating, and marriage. The important part of Rebecca’s practice is to help couples with communication skills, problem-solving skills, stress management, or finance skills. 

Rebecca started writing 2 years ago to inspire and help people to have a better dating life, strong relationships, or find a way to keep a marriage strong for long years.

With all said above, Rebecca is proud to be a mother and a wife so she doesn't only use her knowledge for helping others but keeping her family strong and happy.