Real Talk: What I Wish I Had Been Taught About Self-Love
By Daniela Cantillo
#SelfLove is all the rage - and with good reason! I could spend all day telling you why it’s so important to love yourself - to put yourself and your needs before anything else, to celebrate your accomplishments more than you wallow in your mistakes, and to stay true to your most authentic self. I’ll be brief, though, and I hope that the lessons I’ve learned about self love in my early twenties stick with you - hopefully forever!
Self-love, in my opinion and experience, always comes down to the following: finding and embracing your authentic self, self-acceptance, and a confidence that only comes from taking pride in your hard work and career path - whatever that means to you. Granted - the concept of self-love is immensely broad and could take different meanings for different people, but below is my very own, curated, no BS guide to self-love - a guide I wish had come to my hands sooner.
Your career is important, but it does not define you! Loving yourself is far more important
Similar to many of my peers, I grew up thinking that, in order to succeed at life, I needed to study hard so I could get into a good college, so that I could get a good job, so that I could make good money, so the algorithm of destiny would pair me with a partner who made similar choices, so that I could be happy. While picking the right career is important and money is necessary for survival, I have learned that one of the biggest self-love mistakes you can make is giving into the societal pressure to follow a specific career path - whether it’s for the sake of comfort, or to please your helicopter parents.
In a highly capitalistic society, we tend to forget that there is a whole other universe outside of our professional life. We mistake success in the office for success in our lives. We are not mindful of the importance of a work-life balance, and we overwork ourselves - thinking that the satisfaction will spill over into our personal lives. We then reach a burnout point that leaves us feeling empty, and wonder where the dissatisfaction is coming from.
I dare you to be bold, and to put yourself first. Honor your free time by spending it doing the things that you love the most, with the people you love the most. Spend quality time with yourself. Take the time to relax, decompress, and recharge without feeling the slightest pang of guilt. You are your biggest priority - never forget that.
Exploit your creativity and gifts!
We have all been #blessed with different qualities, abilities, and gifts that make us unique. A lot of us discover these magic traits as children, but somehow allow them to dissolve as we grow older. With lack of time as a mediocre excuse, we end up stacking these gifts on a dusty, rarely visited shelf labeled HOBBIES. And then, what? We shift to telling people that we used to play the piano in our teens, or that we were on the soccer team in high school, or that we used to draw and paint before we secured a full-time job.
In order to truly fall in love with yourself, you absolutely need to have a candid talk with your inner child, and revisit the activities that made four hours disappear before your eyes. So, make time for the things that you love, and don’t be afraid to take pride in the skills that come easily to you. Invest in a keyboard, join an improv group, take an online graphic design course and build a portfolio - reconnect with that talented, dreamy-eyed child who felt eager to offer her gifts to the world. Honoring your gifts - whatever that means to YOU!
BODY POSITIVITY - ALL THE WAY!
This one hits home for me - I could write an entire book on the importance of body positivity. However, for all intents and purposes, I shall keep it short and sweet: LOVE YOUR BODY!
Your body does so much for you, and that is far more important and meaningful than what it looks like. The unattainable beauty standards of our age have left many of us feeling inadequate and unaware of all the magic that our bodies offer us on a daily basis. Our bodies have the power to fight disease, endure physical pain, heal scars, and serve as a vehicle to move us through life. Yet, somehow all we can focus on is what they look like. Truly sad, if you think about it! Sure - a balanced diet and exercise are incredibly important if we want our bodies to give us their best. But please - do yourself a favor, and stop eating healthy with the sole goal of looking good. Instead, be mindful of what you put into your body with the goal of feeling good. Exercise because it’s good for your body and mind. The toned abs are merely a plus.
BONUS: GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA AND GO PLAY OUTSIDE!
Social media can be a wonderful tool that has made the world significantly smaller. The ease at which we can communicate and access information is truly amazing - I can’t imagine living any other way! However, social media can also be a black hole of unreasonable standards, vain content, and targeted marketing that triggers self-loathing and damages our mental health. I’m not asking you to throw away your precious smartphone and go live in the woods (though I’ve been **this close** to considering it). I’m simply suggesting that you limit your screen time, and be mindful of the media you consume. Luckily, most smartphones have “digital wellbeing” and screen time restriction settings that can help you monitor your usage. Give it a try, and see how much lighter you feel after a couple of days.
Self-love isn’t easy - especially when the topic was not priority to your caregivers or teachers growing up. It is possible, though, if you put in the time and effort to understand why you - yes, you! - are an incredible, capable, beautiful being of light and joy. As Oscar Wilde once said:
To love yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Thumbnail image via @Danicantaloupe