What To Do When You Hate Your Best friend’s Boyfriend

What to do when you hate your best friend’s boyfriend. It’s a situation I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And let’s be honest, we can live with not liking out friends significant other or an acquaintance. That is totally fine. However, your best friend? The person who knows all your secrets, have had the craziest memories with, & you don’t mind spending every waking moment with them. That person? Now you do not like their chosen love. It can end friendships; I have seen it happen personally. And more than that I’ve been through this situation more than once. So, if I must say so myself I know how to make it out alive, friendship still intact. My best friend and I have known each other since we were 13 (we are now 27). With 10+ years under our belts, I can count on two hands how many times we have loathed each other boyfriends. 

via Whisper

Let me introduce you to her, and how we overcame this:

Niara: So, what would you say was the hardest part about disliking my boyfriends?

Kira: I’d say the hardest part was watching you act like the guys you were dating were good people and that you didn’t look like a complete fool next to them. Real talk…. & they were all ugly!

Niara: Well damn! Hahahahahaahaha

One thing that is important to know is that you are seeing your friend’s boyfriend from the outside looking in. You see their flaws, suspicious ways, etc. We have all been there where we are living on a cloud with a person we just cannot imagine anything bad about. Be patient, 9 times out of 10, your friend will come to their senses but it will be on their time, not yours.

Niara: Since we have established I had horrible taste in guys as a youth (I admit she is 1000% right), how did you figure out how to deal with me during that time? Was it hard?

Kira: Heck yeah it was hard! The best way to deal with you was to distance myself from the topic of you and whomever it was, you were dating. I tried to stay away from you and that person while you two were together because I would call out the bullsh*t and I didn’t care how you felt about it. To avoid all that I just stayed away from you guys physically and during conversation. 

Niara: Yeah, I noticed that. And I always knew it was because you didn’t like them. It was like a happy and sad time though because I would always be so excited to share something about the guy I was dating and I didn’t have anyone to share it with. Well, not the person I wanted to share it with.

I have also been in situations with Kira where I did not like her boyfriend either. Fortunately, by that time we were living in different states so I never had to be around him physically. But just like she did I tried to stay away from that topic with her. 

Niara: If you had to give someone advice about this what would you tell them?

Kira: I would tell them to try to have at least one conversation with your friend. If you have a legitimate reason not to like them, (i.e. they are abusive, controlling, and disrespectful) then you need to voice that to your friend. If they are just an a** then I’m sure your friend will sense that you don’t care for them. I would not make it a huge deal though unless there is a serious issue with the person.

Niara: Agreed

It is one thing for you to dislike someone, and another for that person to be terrible for your friend. If your friend has been abused, mentally or physically, you have to be a friend and speak up. Kira was actually involved in mentally abusive relationship (that I feared would turn physical) & I spent many a nights consoling her. I spoke up as many times as I could to her until I realized she had to want to make a change more than I wanted it for her. At a certain point, you have to back off and let your friend figure it out. Only if you see the situation being life threatening to your friend would I alert others. 

Niara: Do you think any of these situations influenced our friendship negatively? And how do you think we were able to remain friends?

Kira: At the time, it probably did affect us in a bad way. I didn’t care honestly about who you were dating, but I was disappointed in you when I saw you accept way less than what you deserved. It was hard to be close to you and try not to talk about it. But we remained friends because we knew we were friends first.

Niara: It is cliché but I always knew no matter what you would be my friend. And I would be your friend. Even when we have had disagreements and didn’t see eye to eye, I valued out relationship more than most.

If you are in this situation, know this: it will be okay whatever the outcome. Most of the time we think the situation is life shattering when it’s really not. As I mentioned before, please do not hesitate to speak out if your friend is being abused. And if that is not the case, just try your best to be a friend you want in that situation. 

Cover image via Cheezburger