Deal Make or Break: Your guy follows many "risqué" Instagram accounts
Many people say social media undoubtedly has a negative impact on romantic relationships. It can make people jealous. It can make people obsessive. It can even lead to people putting on a front for their followers. Well, folks, I’m here to be the ‘anti-’ whatever those people say. Social media only has a negative impact on your romantic partnerships if you let it. Except for maybe one thing...those risque twitter and IG pages. Is it a deal breaker if your boo follows a ton of them? Are you just being crazy? Or does it not matter at all?
First things first, you’ve probably noticed this by being a snoop (the critics are going to use this to prove social media is hell for relationships). You probably got bored one day and decided to go through your beau’s likes or followers -- or maybe you’re like the old me and just incredibly nosey. Either way, you’ve landed into an abyss of porn pages. When I say abyss I mean it. This is not just one or two accounts, honey, this is a whole artillery! So what do you do? You can’t really bring it to his attention because then he’ll know you’re a snoop. On the other hand, however, how many different ass and boob shots does one man need? I mean helllooooooo you exist, right? Does he think you’re not good enough? Is he just a horndog all of the time? Is he implying something by liking a ton of double D’s and you’re sitting at a solid B cup?
First things first, relax, girl! Take a deep breath! Now, we all (should) know sex is normal and healthy and liking sexual things isn’t a bad thing. Watching porn is not something to make your red flags go up, by any means. But for crying out loud, why so many??? Does he have an addiction or something??? Is he searching for something you don’t have and can’t provide? The answer: you need to bring it up. The problem with snooping, as I have gracelessly learned, is that when you find something -- and we always do, don’t we -- you can’t truthfully bring it up because you shouldn’t have been snooping. This problem is multifaceted. On one hand, we have to talk about trust. Do you trust your partner? Do they trust you? If yes, why do you feel the need to analyze their every post, like, and tweet? It’s okay to look, sure, but when a cursory glance turns into a 50-minute escapade something needs to change! On the other hand, if you’re snooping and you find something truly devastating (i.e. cheating), it’s perfectly fine to dump the dude. The evidence may be inadmissible in court but it is completely admissible in my book. My diagnosis for this problem, however, is simple: learn to live without the crutch of an app, use your words and communicate to your significant other. Relationships are built on trust, am I right?
Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about the original problem: the IG pages. Is it weird enough to call it quits? Will you look like a crazy person if you tell him to unfollow them all? Ending everything seems drastic if everything is going great between you two, but come on, this can’t really be ignored. Is there an underlying problem here? Is he a closeted weirdo? I’m not going to lie, I would be turned off, but, if you’re really feeling the person don’t end things just yet. We have to reference solution one: communicate. Have a chat with him and ask him what the deal is. This is also a good time to set boundaries: what will you tolerate and what won’t you tolerate. Now, because you were being a little sleuth, you’re going to have to take some accountability so he can’t throw it back in your face. He could easily just respond with “well why were you creeping on me” when you bring it up. Think ahead, sis! Say something along the lines of “I know I shouldn’t have been snooping, and it was not okay to impede on your privacy...but...what the hell is up with these pages you’re following?” Well, the second half can be edited if you’d like. The point still remains that you’ll have to bring it up and you’ll have to bring it up tactfully. And if you don’t like the response you get from him, there’s always an upgrade around the corner! We don’t settle for people that cross our boundaries, hon!
Cover image via Fiveprime