How Soon Can You Have Sex With A Guy You’re Dating, Without Wearing A Scarlet Letter

We hear it all the time: don’t have sex too early. If you do, there’s supposedly a never-ending list of consequences. He won’t take you seriously. He’ll “hit it, then quit it.” He’ll think of you as “easy.” The list goes on. But, come on, we’re adults now! Is that really still the standard? Are we, in our young adult and adult lives, still tasked with curbing our sexual urges to keep a relationship? If the attraction is so ethereal, if the intimacy is so magnetic, then what could possibly be the problem?

On one hand, we live in a world indoctrinated with patriarchal dogma. Women, quite simply, are supposed to wait. We are supposed to prove our worth by holding out on sex. Luckily for you, I’m not going to expound upon that antiquated mindset. I will, however, tell you that there may very well be some reasons for waiting that don’t translate to “he’ll think you’re a hoe.” The truth is, having sex early on in a relationship can complicate things. Sex adds another element to any relationship, whether the relationship is casual, exclusive, or committed. If it’s not great, it could turn you off. If it’s spectacular, you may prematurely fall in love with what’s between his legs instead of who he is. Relationships, particularly new ones, are already riddled with a ton of issues already. Do you really want to complicate that any further?

Now, on the other hand, we’re adults here. Or at least we should be. We should be able to have healthy sexual encounters while not making a mess of our blossoming relationship. If you’re worried about if his viewpoints of you will shift, ask yourself if you even want to be dating someone with such outdated viewpoints of sexuality. Your future boo’s viewpoint of you, shouldn’t be altered because you had sex with him. I mean, come on, do you really want to date someone who’s going to judge you for having sex with them? Sex, whether you believe it or not, will be a part of your relationship. Learning to deal with the complications of it early-on can even be beneficial. Sex should ideally be an added benefit to you and your significant other and the timing of when you two engage in it, shouldn’t play a factor in that. But of course, life is complicated, and things never work out the way we want, do they?

So, what’s the deal here? Do we play it like Samantha from Sex and the City? Or do we hold out for 30 days or 5 weeks, or however long the current self-proclaimed love guru is claiming to wait? I’ll tell you one thing. If a man is going to leave you, drop you, or change completely because you had sex with him, he is not a man you need in your life! If you’re wondering whether knockin’ boots will complicate your love life, the answer is a strong and solid maybe. Sure, it could. But it could just as easily not complicate it. The truth is, you have to own your sexuality to figure out what’s best for you. You know more than anyone else what you like, what you don’t like, and how you are when it comes to sex. You know if you’re a Samantha or a Charlotte, a Miranda or a Carrie (can you tell I’ve been binging Sex and the City?). Whoever you are, own it! Own it with grace and courage, and don’t have any regrets! And whatever sex you’re having on whatever timeframe, I hope it’s utterly earthshattering!