New Year, Just Broke Up: How To Come Back With A Bang
Nothing feels like a bigger punch than a breakup. Waking up already dreading the day (an all-too-familiar symptom of getting dumped) is a crappy way to start any new year. Dragging yourself out of bed and functioning as usual with a broken heart is difficult on its own, so forget any God-forsaken new year’s resolutions seeing the light of day. Year of the six-pack? #ByeFelish
But I’ve heard it said that “You’re doing better than your emotions tell you you are.” A simple statement, but incredibly powerful.
What that does NOT mean, is that your emotions are not valid. Feeling bad is not something to feel shame over, nor does it mean you are inherently unworthy or a failure. It universally does not feel good to be rejected. While it should not be a day-in and day-out pattern that ends up occupying our entire lives, it is still normal to experience bad feelings, and for a time at least, that is to be accepted. But, what that does mean is (and good news for us) that your perceived reality and your actual reality are, thankfully, two different phenomena. In other words, how things may seem in your own mind could very well be far less dire, than the external realm of what’s actually happening around you.
There really is no good time for a breakup. (Perhaps the best time to do it is only if you’re the one doing the breaking up.) But what can make it feel like a bigger sucker punch is if it’s the first thing that happens in a new year. Yayyyyyyyyyyy…
That said, I’m here to tell you that this does not have to define 2019 for you.
So, feeling stuck in your loveless rut without an ounce of motivation in sight? Let’s walk through a couple of ways to get you back on track.
Let yourself grieve
Take this as you will, but I like to think of bad feels like a poison - the sooner you get it out, the better. Fun and cheery it is not, but you must let the impact of a heartbreak run its course. We are human beings, we are sentient, and refusing to let them run their course is unhealthy and unsustainable. The longer you stuff, the uglier their resurfacing will be.
My point? Do what you need to do. Cry, talk, journal, write a letter only to burn it. Do whatever it is you gotta to process what’s happening in your heart.
Sweat it out
Ahhhhh those glorious endorphins. Why do we underestimate their potency? I’ve got more good news for you…exercise is free, available to all, and helps you live longer. You’re welcome. So whether that was already somewhere on your resolutions list or you hate the gym, push past the griping and get the hell out of bed. Whether it’s a relaxing yoga session to release any tension or an angry row with the punching bag, continue to acknowledge the feelings you’re having and get it out of your body. The longer it sits in your body, the more intensely they will reinforce in your mind, and on the cycle will go. Start to halt the cycle by getting a good sweat in - I promise you’ll start to feel better. Or I’m a Kim Kardashian.
Avoid the rebound
There’s nothing wrong with declaring “2019 will still be my year of finding love.” Good for you, homes. Just don’t use your next beau as a Bandaid. Baindaid Boo’s are a no-no - they’re no good for you. Ever heard of covering a bullet wound with a Baindaid? Cuffing season is no excuse for rebounding, and the only person who will end up hurting more in the end is you. As tough as it might be, this is likely the best time to start learning to kick off a New Year flying stag. And if the thought of doing so makes you squirm, you might want to reconsider what it is about spending time with yourself that’s so unappealing. (Something to ponder: if you already don’t like you, what’s HE gonna like about you??) Which brings me to my next point...
This may seem painfully unembellished, but if you’ve read this far, why stop now? I’m a big believer in being your own biggest fan, which is not the same thing as vanity or self-absorption. Being kind to yourself is the best investment you can make, because its impact on your self-perception will influence the decisions you may for the rest of your life. So if there’s any time to start something, start this right now. You will thank yourself, and establish patterns that will only lead to your best outcome.
How have you dealt with grieving a breakup? Leave your thoughts in a comment below.
Cover image The News Kick