The Future is a Spaghetti Noodle, Horoscopes for December 17-23

The future is as fluid as a wet spaghetti noodle, darlin’. That might be a weird thing to picture, but it’s true nonetheless. Our lesson this week is that nothing is ever a for-sure decision until it happens, so when things aren’t going your way, just remember that it will never last. Let’s be real though, it goes the other way around, too. Just because things are going fantastically, doesn’t mean we can live like there’s no tomorrow. 

Lucky for us, we’ll be provided with some major insight and clarity about our futures. It’s time to think about where we are now and where we want to be. There’s no clear cut path to get there, but know that all of us will get there one way or another. It may not be the exact way you pictured, but you will get there. Use what little patience you have. 

Sagittarius

When it comes down to getting what you want, there’s really nothing in the way but you. I know, it sounds weird when you want something so bad, but sometimes you could be holding yourself back without ever realizing it. Get yourself to cut the crap and realize your true potential. You have the power to get where you need to go, and the only way to get there is to just do it.

Now what? A good way to get out of your own head is to meditate. Quit comparing yourself to your old classmates on social media. They’re all fibbing anyway. The only person you need to worry about succeeding is you. 

Capricorn

Haven’t you always admired people who did yoga and, like, meditated? They’ve always seemed like some mystic people in tune with their inner self. Chances are, that’s probably true and now’s your time to find out. Take a step into those mystic arts and find out what the hype is all about. 

Now what? Get a guide to help you in this journey, because it might not be an easy one. Get someone who is qualified and that you are comfortable with to help you reach your inner zen. You might just love the person you become.

Aquarius

You know how your mom always told you that everyone has a calling? She may be kinda right. You might not feel like it’s a calling; it may just be a talent that you have. Tap into whatever it is and embrace it, babe. Everyone has something they’re especially good at, so go find what yours is. And use it to your advantage. 

Now what? Don’t let those little old fears hold you back from finding your calling. Don’t worry about what anyone else will say because ultimately it will make you happy. Anyone who stands in the way of that isn’t looking out for you. 

Pisces

You’re the next Albert Einstein, cause you’re about to have a major breakthrough. Okay, okay. It may not seem like an Einstein-sized breakthrough to the rest of the world, but it will feel that way for you. You’ve been using your special talent and you’re about to get majorly rewarded. It’s all about to get so, so good. 

Now what? Nobody likes a bragger. Your life may be going great, but try not to let anyone within a five foot radius hear about it constantly. It’s okay to feel good about your accomplishments, but you might want to think about celebrating with a glass of wine at home. 

Aries

Not gonna lie, the beginning of your week isn’t looking too hot, babe. But don’t let that discourage you. All you have to do is retreat early and get your mind in the right place. Once you do that, your shitty week won’t even bother you. Everything’s falling to pieces? You could care less. But be sure to do this early or you might accidentally jeopardize your relationships with your frustrations. 

Now what? Use your frustration in a creative way. Get some sexy lingerie and spice up your love life. Channel your terrible week to a great week in the bedroom. Try something you’ve never tried before, or just practice what you’re really good at. 

Taurus

Your home can use a little work, Taurus. Spruce it up a little and you’ll feel like a brand new person. It doesn’t have to be much. Tidy up a bit and add a few minor decorations. As long as it’s something you do with your own hands, your house (or apartment) will start to feel more like the cozy home you need. 

Now what? Try setting aside a space for meditation. It’ll be easier to focus on balancing yourself when you have a specific place to do so. It doesn’t have to be a bare corner, either. It can be a place to work on art or anything that’s special to you.

Gemini

Say hello to that badass feminine side of yourself. Sure, she can be annoyingly girly sometimes, but you haven’t talked to her in a while. It’s time to reconnect. You don’t have to get your nails done or anything stereotypical like that. All that means is to not be ashamed to be a woman and embrace that side of you. Show the world that you are here to be respected and you won’t back down. 

Now what? Use some type of art to access that femininity that might be hiding. Art naturally frees our mind to function in ways that we don’t normally function in. Use a different medium than you usually do and get to creating. 

Cancer

You might not be feeling in the “holiday mood” because life feels extra shitty right now, but hang in there. All things gotta end sometime and that time is now. But don’t be all bitter about it and continue living the way you did a couple months ago. Take these bad experiences and use them to fuel a better future for yourself. Or you can just keep repeating the same mistakes. Up to you. 

Now what? The good thing is that because of the terrible week you had, everything else will look like an optimistic look up at the sky. And I don’t want to bum you out, but keep those bad memories in the back of your head, too. It’s never good to completely forget about everything terrible. 

Leo

Go be a Disney princess and get yourself outside. Mother Nature is calling and this time, it’s not for your period. Go for a hike and find yourself in the woods. Do all those cliche things that you see those little cartoon characters doing. Hell, sing to birds if you feel like it. Just reconnect with you in time for the New Year. 

Now what? If you’re new to the whole “nature thing,” it’s okay to get an experienced friend to tag along. As long as this person doesn’t dampen the vibe, go for it. No one’s telling you what to do. 

Virgo

You don’t have to stretch your arm anymore, dear Virgo. All those unreachable achievements are coming into your grasp. Opportunities are a-plenty, so there’s no time for snoozing. You may not feel like there’s much to be inspired by, but you’ll miss those fabulous chances if you stay in bed all day. Go be a go-getter. 

Now what? Force yourself out of the house. Don’t even try to rationalize sitting on the couch until noon. This week, get up and get dressed and just go. If you give yourself a chance to be lazy, you’ll end up taking it. 

Libra

Sure, all the puzzle pieces are fitting together, but you may not be feeling that happy feeling you’re supposed to be feeling. That’s alright. Your life may look put together, but that doesn’t mean you are. Take this week to look at the reasons you might not be feeling so hot and address them. You deserve to be happy, so chase it. 

Now what? Try talking to someone about your problems. Get someone who’s neutral in the the situation and that you trust for good advice. Sometimes you just need an outside voice, to understand your own feelings. 

Scorpio

That pesky inner voice telling you you’re not good enough? Tell it to f**k off. That voice is only there to get you bummed out, so it’s just going to tell you lies. It’s time to stand up to that voice and kick it right in the face. Face those insecurities and come out swinging on the other side. You’re a boss babe and don’t let anyone tell you different. 

Now what? A good tip for facing that mean inner voice is to imagine it as some annoying little preteen with a squeaky voice. You’re not going to listen to some kid who’s screaming, “You’re stupid” at you in the middle of the street, right? Yeah, thought so. 

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