Girl Time Confessions: What All My Exes Taught Me
It’s the holiday season, so I’m feeling especially grateful these days; a la “thank u, next.” So, today, I’m blessing you all with some Grande-esque tea: a peak at a few of my previous situationships; my exes; what they’ve taught me; and, what that can teach you. The names used are fake (obvi!), but all the stories are 100% real! Like Ari, I’m talking about the people who affected me most – unlike Ari, I opted for three past woes in lieu of four, because no one deserves the lyric paying homage to the (figurative, and literal) angel that is Mac Miller. Ready?
“Thought I’d end up with Miiiiikkeee, but it wasn’t a maaatccchhh.” Michael was the first guy I ever really liked. He wasn’t the very first person I felt emotions for, but it was he who taught me what it was like to be head over heels for somebody. I remember talking on the phone with him for hours, annoying my roommate because of our late-night talks about, well, just about everything – i.e. he was the first person I confided to about my mental health. I even still have the Valentine’s Day gift he gave me, one of my favorite albums of all time on vinyl. I felt comfortable with him, I felt at home. Looking back, it’s honestly amazing how hard you can fall for somebody in just a few short months. But as all good things do, we came to an end. And not in a subtle way, guys. We crashed, and we burned. While Michael was the first guy that I liked in that severity, he was also the first one to hurt me. Months of perfection ended with him randomly ghosting me for two days—as you can imagine, we talked everyday so two days felt like an eternity at the time—and popping up on Snapchat kissing another girl…and then me calling him 10 times out of rage. I know, guys, I know. Sad. 18-year-old Milan was in shambles.
The takeaway here: Don’t be afraid to open your heart and accept love. But, also know that when your heart breaks, you will be okay. It’ll take some time, but you’ll get better. You’ll fall head over heels for somebody else. And maybe, you’ll even patch things up with the guy that smashed your heart into pieces. It will always be okay.
“Wrote some poems about Nickyyyy, now I read them and laughhhhh.” I wrote quite a few poems about Nick but have no fear, I write about all my boos -- whether they’re in my head or IRL (it falls within “dating a writer” territory). Nick was the one that was “in my head.” I had a huge crush on him. We were together a lot, we talked all the time, and our relationship was riddled with unspoken moments of tension. You guys know the type of situationship I’m talking about, right? The one where people ask if you’re together because you’re always, well, together. The one where you both are in this weird limbo stage where nothings really been said, but there’s something there (and it can’t all be in your head, right?!). Sadly, I never said anything, and neither did he. I ended up studying abroad the next semester, and that’s… all she wrote. Yes, we’re still friends, but I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had spoken up.
The takeaway here: Shoot your shot! The worst they can say is no! And it’s even worse finding out that they would’ve said yes! You’ll be hurt for a minute, you might cry and binge-watch cheesy romance movies on Netflix, but you’ll get over it! I promise! While I’m glad Nick and I’s relationship didn’t turn into something (I don’t think we would be compatible in a romantic relationship, right now), it’s always interesting to think about what could have been. So, if you find yourself in that weird “I-don’t-know-where-we-stand” stage, take the leap of faith! It’s better than having a bunch of what-ifs play in your mind on replay.
“Even almost got cuffed upppppp, and for Chris I’m so thankful.” Chris and I were dating for a while. We were seeing each other consistently, going on dates, doing things couples do. We went to Chick-Fil-A together so often, I still think about him whenever I get a 12-count chicken nugget meal with Chick-Fil-A sauce. When I think of Chris, I think of cute moments like watching Charmed (my number one obsession) wrapped in his arms or him rubbing my stomach when I had cramps so bad, I was on the brink of tears. I also think of arguing. I think of bottled emotions and frustration. I think of much needed self-reflection. I think of the reason we went our separate ways: we got into a huge argument about me not being “emotionally available” enough, among other things. We argued for days, said we were going to try to make it work, and ultimately, it never did. I’m honestly not sure if things will ever become cordial between us again—harsh things were said in the heat of the moment, even when we rekindled later.
The takeaway here: The trust issues you have from previous relationships (hello, @Michael, among others!!) can really screw you over if you let them. While it’s perfectly fine to establish boundaries at the onset of your relationship—which you should—try not to let the aftermath of the past, negatively impact something that’s a positive presence in your life. Believe me, I know how hard that is. But closing yourself off emotionally is damaging to you, above anyone else! I know it’s difficult, kiddos, but I’ve been living through these harsh realities so you don’t have to! Go forth and prosper. Enjoy the beauty, and sometimes even the pain, that comes with relationships. I promise you’ll be better for it!
Cover image via Pinterest