The Desperate, The Baby Obsessed, and The Compulsive Liars: Married At First Sight Season 7 Finale Recap

D-Day is finally upon our couples. With only eight weeks between their first glance and a decision to spend the rest of their lives together, there are many variables to consider: will Mia leave again, either by choice or by arrest? Will Dave say “hello” to another brunette, leaving Amber to die of heartache? Will Bobby tattoo Danielle’s name on his face to reiterate his undying love? All of these outcomes are possible, giving everyone a reason to be nervous. Still, the messiness that makes for good television is also an intensive course in the difficulties of marriage. If our couples made it this far, they may have the chops to make it even further, or at least until the end of the episode. Fingers crossed.

As they sit by a fire the night before the decision, Bobby describes being married to Danielle as the best time of his life. In response, Danielle gives her signature head nod. Knowing he doesn't have time to waste, Bobby becomes as confrontational as he can be by telling Danielle that she is hard to read. Dead-eyed Danielle feigns confusion, but remains clear on one thing: that she did not yet make her final decision. Bobby must have panicked because on decision day, he had a surprise.

The next day during the final decision, Danielle was the only one who was asked if she wants to remain married, because even the deaf and blind can sense Bobby’s thirst. Admittedly not well versed in speaking her emotions, Danielle hesitates to answer. She stammers through a series of “umms”, exacerbated perfectly by the action music in the background and the sudden camera shifts. Growing nervous, Bobby throws a Hail Mary pass: he once again tells the world that the last eight weeks have been the most fulfilling of his life, then gets down on one knee and pulls out an engagement ring. Magically, Danielle finds her words: “...This is the best thing to ever happen to me.” It is unclear if that was directed toward Bobby of the ring, but either way, she accepted. She finally tells Bobby that she is “head over heels in love” with him, and a glimmer of a soul appears to liven up her eyes. It took some time, but Danielle turned out to be everything Bobby wanted, and Bobby remains the manifestation of every wish made on a shooting star...but his rush to love fits the description of a potential abuser pretty accurately too. Just saying.

It was a shaky episode throughout for Amber and Dave, who have officially shed the title of Barbie and Ken. Amber’s insecurities are at it again, as she worries that Dave does not want to stay married as she does. She goes on to speculate that Dave is sexually attracted to her, but not “emotionally attracted” to her. At this point her friends ask her to consider what she wants in a mate, and not to place more weight on Dave’s feelings than her own. The reason Amber gives for getting married at first sight was to feel secure, proving that those evil genius casting directors knew what they were doing when they chose her. In keeping with their trajectory, Dave tells the camera that he is leaning a mere “51%” toward staying married.

At the decision, Dave and Amber sit next to each other with a nervously sullen vibe best fit for the STD clinic. When asked the big question, the first thing Amber says is that she’s confused.  Considering this, it makes sense that the very next thing Amber says is that she wants to stay married (she also said she wants to start having kids sooner than later. Again, just saying). Dave received this news by diverting eye contact from Amber, and began his own monologue, stating that their marriage at times wasn't “easy or fun”. Still, he too decided to stay married, saying that time will bring them love. Awwww, I guess.

On decision day, Tristan and Mia sweps all of their problems under the proverbial rug, as observed by Pastor Roberson. Roberson states that all those things under the rug will eventually lead one to trip. Internalizing this, Tristan said that the last eight weeks with Mia had more drama than other couples faced in years. As Mia blinks back tears, he also says that he has always had trouble with commitment. Mia admitted that she doesn't understand Tristan’s reactions, and that she is sure their future will be filled with just as much drama. With all clear under the rug, they both conclude that they want to stay together. No one brought up the fact that Tristan kicked Mia out of their home, that Mia was arrested for stalking, that they threw around the word “divorce” because it hurts more than a simple “screw you”. Then again, some viewers -- ahem--  are petty and unmarried. So, mazel tov to the beautiful couple.

So there it is. Eight weeks of putting strangers in a petri dish and examining all growths; the good, the bad and the laughable. Now that the cameras are off and the experts have moved on, real life will seep in to truly test their bonds. Will Bobby grow tired of scooping dog poop? Will Amber still be jealous of brunettes, though it’s ironically her natural color? Will Mia scream for a divorce on the way home from the decision? Probably. But they all seem to have learned enough to push through these challenges together. If not, who cares?! We’re all ready for season eight.