Reading Like It’s a Form of Flirting: Book Recs Based on Your Dating Archetype

Because your favorite romance trope and your dating patterns might be the same thing.

By Gracie Thomas

Books and dating? Same plot, different kind of heartbreak. Both consist of emotionally unavailable characters, plot twists you didn’t see coming (but your friends absolutely did), and chapters you could have sworn you closed… until you didn’t.

Think of these book recs as your literary guide helping to navigate your dating life based on your dating type. We’ve paired today’s most entertaining (and slightly messy) relationship archetypes with fictional reads that will make you feel disturbingly seen. Think BookTok meets Hinge (or whatever dating app you hate the least). Whether you’re mentally planning your wedding day on date two or sending “what are we?” texts from a bar bathroom, three martinis deep, there’s a book out there that just gets you. Who needs a therapist when your bookshelf is emotionally fluent? These fiction picks are tailored to your type, and yes, they know your patterns way better than your ex ever did. So go ahead, romanticize your chaos. Your literary matches await…

My Year of Rest and Relaxation

The Situationship Addict 

“It’s not undefined, it’s just… vibing with commitment issues”.


Book: My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Otessa Moshfegh

What screams “commitment issues” louder than trying to be awake as “little as possible”. The narrator in My Year of Rest and Relaxation is no stranger to detachment, or chaos. If you have ever confused elusiveness for emotional depth, welcome home! This book is your literary soulmate: emotionally messy and chronically avoidant. It’s less plot, more vibe.

Before We Were Strangers

The Hopeless Romantic

“What’s good love without a little bit of drama…and a few breakdowns”.

Book: Before We Were Strangers by Renée Carlino

A fictional read that has mastered the “missed connection” and “right person, wrong time”. Have you ever fantasized about receiving a love letter from an old flame? This book is a love letter to all of it, the longing, the second chances, the what ifs. It’s slow burning, nostalgic, and so hopeful that it’s heartbreaking, just like you!

The Reformed Player

“I've changed. For real this time. Probably”.

Book: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

For those who would change for “the one”, we see you in The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. You’ve had your “noncommital era”, serial dating, no strings attached, emotionally uninvolved. But now? You want something deeper and more meaningful. Maybe you always have. 

Evelyn Hugo is the original reformed player. A woman desperate to be seen for who she really is. This is a book about shedding the performance and showing up for the real thing. Relatable?


The Overthinker Who Dates Therapists

Book: Ghosts by Dolly Alderton

You don’t just catch feelings, you spiral. You overthink every conversation. You analyze every text message. You’ve said “I’m just emotionally self-aware” while, at the same time, ignoring multiple red flags. You fall for people who seem emotionally intelligent, and then panic when they actually want to talk about feelings. 

Ghosts is basically your brain on paper. It captures the push-pull of craving connection but being slightly terrified of it. You're not confused. You’re just intellectually entangled.

The “I Don’t Date, I Heal” Girl

“Currently in my self-care era and I really don’t see that changing anytime soon”.


Book: The Pisces by Melissa Broder

You deleted all your dating apps, moved cities, and are now “focusing on you”. Yet, somehow, you found yourself involved with a man who may or may not be a sea creature. We’re not judging (not really, at least).


This book is all the best things: messiness, vulnerability, and incredible absurdity. This isn’t just a story about wanting love; it’s about what happens when you try to self-heal without actually facing the wreckage. Spoiler: you can’t. But, you can make it poetic.


The Green Flag Queen

Healthy relationships aren’t that hard. Hydrate, communicate, make the reservation.”


Book: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

Yes, her again. While Taylor Jenkins Reid’s The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo might reflect your “changing for the one” era, you may also resonate as someone who craves something a little more… emotionally stable – healthy, even. 


You’re the grown up in the group chat. You’re direct, emotionally intelligent, and actually follow up on plans. Your idea of romance includes open communication and feathered throw pillows. You want a love that feels safe, not stressful, and honestly, that’s iconic. Evelyn is layered, self-aware, and grounded.

The “I Can Fix Him” Girl

“Sure, he’s broken. But have you seen him… shirtless?”


You have a soft spot for men who either need a mother, a therapist, or a prayer. You write long texts he doesn’t even respond to and defend him with “he just needs time.” You believe in potential more than actual behavior. But hey, you’re not alone.

This novel’s messy, bittersweet heartbreak is tailor-made for your “save the boy” storyline. Let Normal People be your wake-up call. Maybe this time, it’s you who deserves to be put first.

What Your Annotated Margins Say About Your Dating Style

You highlight almost every line? You fall in love quickly and think very deeply. You’re a fall in love at first sentence type. Nicholas Sparks has nothing on your notebook *wink wink*.


You circle certain phrases and internally chant “me”? You’re self-aware, yet delightfully off the rails.


You underline, but leave zero comments? You’re avoidant. You’re present, but emotionally detached… kinda like your last relationship!


You write snarky comments to the side? You’re a romantic but disguise yourself as a cynic. Don’t worry - we see you.

See yourself in one of these common dating archetypes? Multiple, even? Yay - Congrats, you’re just like the rest of us: chronically self-aware and emotionally unhinged (but, like, in a cute way). Oh and don’t worry, no judgement. We’ve either been her, dated him, and/or have talked it through in therapy. So, go ahead, pour yourself a drink and toast to the fun chaos that comes with dating in your 20s and 30s. Drop your dating archetype in the comments and tag the book you’re currently “seeing.”

 

Join The Club With Some Of Our Favorite BookTok Creators

Want more? Follow some of our favorite BookTokers for spicy takes, honest reviews, and endless TBR inspiration. Whether you’re a “situationship addict” or a “I can fix him” deluded angel, these creators serve up the best of BookTok. 

@caitlinbea 

@marimorgant

@maddievaters

@lettersfrommads

@bradylockerby

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