Sure or Unsure: The Bachelor Episode 7 Recap

This episode, for aforementioned reasons and more, stressed me out, had me sucking air into a paper bag and aged me a few days I think, so buckle your seatbelt. This episode started with Colton’s vlogging, which has become an iconic trend of this season (and not in a good way). His emotions are bubbling at the surface, and is confused about all his ladies at this point.

Seven girls are left and hometowns are next week...are there usually this many prior to the Hometowns episode? It’s stressing me out. The chopping down of the group will start to get brutal. At this point in the season, I’m feeling some ennui. Compared to previous seasons, my heart doesn’t leap as much as it should. I want butterflies. I want belly fireworks. I want to live vicariously through the romance. 

But this season has been relatively heavier than usual. We’ve got friendship fallouts, sexual assault stories, ongoing shit-talking, divorce, parents in federal prison...am I missing anything? Where are the moments that make us squeal?? I want adrenaline dammit! 

Maybe this is a new thing they’re going for...saving the best moments for the few and far between. Like Christmas. Or the Olympics. Or my dating timeline. By the time we get the next one, we’re so starved and deprived of the joy and giddiness of the last one, we’re drooling and grasping and longing for that next one. 

Quote of the evening: “The place where the magic...doesn’t happen…” i.e. Colton’s reference to the bedroom and lack of certain lascivious activities therein. Self deprecation. That’s hot. 

Personally, I had a good first impression of Tayshia, but her cattiness has been self-sabotaging. Not much to say about their date - it felt short, and scripted, and a waste of their time together by her tearing down other girls. Her cool-as-a-cucumber demeanor is masking mad insecurities and she’s turning to bringing others down to her level instead of building up whatever good things she’s got going on with C Daddy. Thank u, next.

Caelynn gets the next one-on-one and the heaviness continues. We start with a cute snowboarding lesson for their date, but Taesha’s fightin’ words from the previous date are brought up, resulting in Caelynn’s emotional flare-up of a reaction. 

Can we comment on the music? There was one track during Taesha’s one-on-one that reminded me of a teeny bopper Youtuber’s GRWM video, and now I’m hearing a piercing and ominous sound reminisce of a horror film. Now silence. They seem to be testing out new material for this season, like a lot of new material. Exhibits A (lol get it get it…) through D: sexual assault story, soundtrack, Colton vlogging, virgin bachelor….

Here’s another theory of mine. One reason this season has been marked with such an emotional onslaught is Colton’s youth. Not only is he young, but he’s also green. It’s not even his level of physical experience, but you learn an awful lot from dating and experiencing relationships - about other people and about yourself. I’m finding that Colton is the type of man who absorbs, rather than placates. Think back on other men who’ve been the lead...many of them were very diligent with listening to women come to them and share their concerns, and worries, and stresses that come with being on the show, and then easing their concerns by telling them (to some effect) to try to not let it get to them — stay calm focus on their relationship, and keep things moving forward. Colton doesn’t really do that. Instead he shoulders a lot of their stress and anxiety and carries it with him, increasing his own anxiety and leaving the women stuck in theirs. In my opinion, that’s one significant reason the show is taking on a heavier note than in seasons before it.

via ABC Disney Press

Okay yassssz Brett Young yassss Red Rocks Amphitheater yassssz concert date. But as much as ILY Colton your dancing is Cringefield, Illinois. At the corner of Cringe and Yikes. Mayor of Cringetown. Cringeville Boulevard. Lord of Cringe-ington Manor. 

On to Hannah B.’s second one-on-one. I’m sorry what….she gets to meet his family? I’m so confused. I hadn’t pegged HB as the one getting this kind of spesh treatment. And THEN he’s questioning whether he’s at the same point in his feelings for her as her feelings for him? Excuse me? Did we use our brains before inviting her to meet his parents? And stepparents? And enter the intimate conversations with his mother? Dude? Really? R we surrious RN? 

And she GONE! Are we surprised though? Her presence on the show was about 15% fun and pleasant and 85% anxiety-inducing. Her role in the early drama I’m sure hurt her chances, but at the end of the day if there’s no connection there’s no connection. Colton followed his heart like a good boy.

TBH I knew nothing about Kirpa other than she made for a bit of a boring one-on-one date. But now she’s a pesky little skeeter that needs one big swat out the door. Like Tayshia, Kirpa charges onward carrying tidings of truth and valour by sharing incriminating “facts” about the others, looking out for his best interests. 

For this three-man date, IDK why they had to drag on the decision of “Will he pick Cassie or Kirpa” because it was obvious the whole time. Exhibit A (lol): compare their one-on-ones. The end. Exhibit B: Cassie is an angelic, lovely, kind, AND sexy catch. Kirpa is petty and jealous and insecure, flaunting false logic and weak arguments as a flawed attempt to mask it all. ‘Bye.

And so remain four lovely girls for next week’s hometown dates: Hannah G., Cassie, Caelynn, and Taesha. Well, three lovely girls both inside and out. 

What can we expect for next week? Daddy issues? Overly-wined mommies? Filterless siblings? Let’s tune in next week and find out.

Cheers,

Taylor

Cover via Inquisitr