Here’s something you already know: UGGs are ugly. UGG-ly. They’re frumpy, sloppy, just plain bad. Be honest, gals, have you ever pulled on a pair of UGGs, looked at yourself in the mirror, and felt totally fabulous about your look? I am looking fa-bu-LOUS in these UGGs! Um, no. Have they ever made you feel even a little bit cute? UGGs have only ever made me feel like a sluggish sloth. On the other hand, now that I’m Googling images of sloths, I’m thinking these unsightly creatures might actually be cuter than UGGs. Go ahead, Google “sloth” for a minute. That face! They look like they’re smiling, which is more than I can say about the mood I embody when I’m wearing UGGs.

I’m proud to say my ugly UGG days are behind me. I finally hit bottom when I was out shopping one afternoon and ran into a woman I had recently met at a fashion industry event. She was a footwear designer (of course) and someone I would have loved to court as a client. She spotted me and came over to say hello, but I had negative-zero confidence, totally paralyzed to put my best foot forward. Why? Because my UGG-ly-ass footwear bore the mark of an apathetic pre-teen.

In my resolution to kick the UGG habit, I did some soul searching. I mean, we can’t change an unhealthy behavior until we identify the purpose the behavior is serving, am I right? I thought if I could understand why I kept reaching for these monstrosities, maybe I could pinpoint the needs they were meeting and figure out alternative footwear that would fulfill those needs while also looking glam, instead of shrouding me in shame. My inner journey led me to understand what I now call, The Three Cs of UGG Addiction. They are: Cold, Comfort, and Convenience.

First, it’s friggin’ cold.

I need warmth for my feet in cold weather. Legit, I have Raynaud’s Syndrome, a condition that prevents blood flow to fingers and toes when they get cold. It can be quite painful. The shearling lining in UGGs is incredibly warm - like, warmer than anything else I’ve tried. So, the mission became to find warmth without the ugly.

Second, I demand comfort.

I’m not one of those girls who’s willing to walk around with an awkward limp while my feet get rubbed raw by ill-fitting, uncomfortable shoes just because they look amazing. That gimpy gait cancels out the amazingness of the shoes anyway, so that’s just dumb dressing, you know? Comfort is subjective, of course, but I’ve curated a selection below that looks promising.

Third, I want convenience.

I take my Frenchie out three times a day, and you can bet I’m not interested in having to sit down and f around with a pair of laces or a fussy zipper or a friggin’ shoe horn every time I take my fur buddy out for a pee. Plus, I live in NYC, so it’s not unusual for me to pop out and run to Zabar’s for dinner fare or the UPS store to send back my latest Rent the Runway wares. I need something I can slip on in like ten seconds max. (#imbusy. And no, flip flops are not an option, because eew.)

To be clear, not all UGG offerings are terrible; it’s just any style with that sad post-op boot silhouette I’m (vehemently) galvanizing against. The company is actually making some cuter styles these days, so, if you like the brand, browse the Other UGGs I’ve curated.

The suggestions below vary in terms of offerings across The Three Cs, so keep in mind your own personal reasons for your UGG habit. The selections are categorized by price point according to this legend:

$ = Totally doable

$$ = Might need to forgo a few frappuccinos (frappuccini?)

$$$ = F#&% it, I’ll just charge it and pick up some odd jobs from the gigs section on Craigslist to pay them off