Hey Honey, I Packed Your Shit Up, Now GTFO...P.S. I Love You: Married At First Sight Ep.13 Recap
“Married At First Sight”, the show that combines the pillars of arranged marriage with the seriousness of Vegas drive-through nuptials, is still going strong in its seventh season. With six weeks of marriage down and two more to go before they decide to stay married, our three couples tackle communication in episode 13 - for better or for worse. Let’s start with the worst.
When asked why he wanted to get married to Mia, Trifling Tristan spoke about commitment, partnership and building a legacy. Lies. He needed health insurance.
Had there been marriage experiments like this in the past, sex would have been the thing to withhold until a man proved his commitment. The 2018 equivalent may be health insurance, and Mia has a modern mindset. As she and Tristan lounged on the couch, Tristan slipped in two bombshells: 1) he has had cancer in the past and 2) he canceled his own insurance and is waiting for Mia to add him to hers. Mia didn't exactly comply, which snowballed into an off-camera argument. By the time the cameras were back on, Mia was IN THE F**KING HALLWAY WITH ALL OF HER BELONGINGS. When a single trinket was left in the condo that Mia said wasn't hers, Trifling Tristan TOSSED IT ON THE FLOOR AND SHUT THE DOOR. But hey, don’t worry. He had a perfectly good explanation for making his wife do a walk of shame with a pushcart full of luggage.
After three days of not speaking, Tristan and Mia met at a therapy session with Pastor Roberson. Tristan explained that he kicked Mia out in response to her cold feet about moving to Houston. “If you don’t want to come to Houston,” he recalled saying that night, “then I don't want you to.” In case you didn’t understand, that was an apology of sorts. That only became clear when Tristan plead guilty to his wrongdoings, said he was not the husband Mia deserved and proceeded to walk out of therapy stomping his feet and sucking his thumb. For some reason, they allowed Tristan back into Mia’s presence, when he had a revelation: the only reason he periodically transforms into a toddler is because he is overwhelmed by the passionate love he has for Mia. Okay then. Only time will tell if we see this couple a few years from now, on Snapped.
Like Mia and Tristan, Danielle and Bobby suffer from a lack of clear expression, namely Danielle's feelings toward Bobby. So when Danielle went to Houston for a few days, she knew it was a perfect opportunity to write Bobby a letter of love. It can’t exactly be called a “love letter” because she didn't actually write that she loved him. She also, um, didn’t hear Bobby say he loved her over the phone that same night. But it’s cool, according to Bobby, as he could sense her love for him on some level. It was also okay when Danielle returned home and went eagerly for a hug and kiss -- from their dogs. When Danielle finally acknowledged Bobby, the greeting was so dispassionate that she may as well gave him a head nod and said “What up, fam?”
However, communicating love is something Bobby has no issue with. His sound bites throughout the episode seem to have been dreamt up in a teenage girl’s fantasies. My personal favorites are “I will never find a better person to marry,” and “[Danielle] will fall in love with me.” Each time he opened his mouth I wasn’t sure whether or not to swoon or to track him down on social media and message him some sound advice: Bro, it’s only been six weeks. Nonetheless, I predict that this union will last after the cameras and lights are gone. Bobby just needs someone to love, and Danielle needs someone to love her.
The only couple that seem to be in sync are my favorites, Amber and Dave. Throughout the episode they speak kindly to each other and according to Dave, have sex every night (thank you, Dave). They also seem to be on the same page about tradition, as they made plans to visit each other's family for upcoming holidays. Dave even set up a gardening activity on their condo’s rooftop, and served her a bombass salad by candlelight. But to be honest, I don’t feel the love.The way they interacted in this episode felt like they were stuck on a second date and couldn’t find the line between respectfulness and real emotion. Nonetheless, I still refer to them as Barbie and Ken. After all, who needs love if they both want to lead similar lives (except for Amber’s plan to move into a retirement village at the ripe old age of 55)? And though it’s only been six weeks, Dave has his eyes on the long term. He said he takes the marriage “day by day”, knowing there is room to grow into exactly what they need to be. Either Dave is extremely mature or at an age where emotional intensity takes a backseat to finding a person to make babies with. So far I’m betting on Amber and Bobby having a long and complacent life together.
So what’s next for our couples? The previews for the next episode teases another possible break up for Mia and Tristan, but every couple can be on the chopping block. Tune in to Lifetime on Tuesday, or just come back here for a quickie update on these quickie marriages.
Cover Via HienaLouca