Quick Love: A Recipe For Heartbreak or Happiness?
Ah, romance. That thing we all want and yet it seems to trip us up in every possible way. Like untied shoelaces…Only around your heart. Sounds about as messy as it is. That’s why these days I’m as single as a lil’ pringle, people. (That, and nobody else needs to be sleeping in my bed. Why would I give up my nightly starfish sleep in my own damn bed? No good reason, that’s why.)
I’m not gonna name the person mentioned here, because that wouldn’t be fair to Jason…and I’d never do that to him.
Sheesh, I’m joking! You actually thought I was gonna air this guy out to dry?
Anyway, the topic of “fast love” fascinates me, and likely does you, as well, if you’ve known it firsthand as I have. In an instant, I found, there can be that mystical spark you share with someone – that rare and delicious chemistry, so tantalizing you wonder if you’ll ever find it again. It’s not one-sided, and it’s not infatuation. It’s definitely something more, and you both know it. And so here you are. And there they are. As if (gag, but actually though) it was meant to be.
Yes, it’s true that love is often something that develops over time – but it’s becoming more apparent that’s not always the case. How fast can love really grow into a force to be reckoned with – something that’s devastating when it ends? How do we know when love’s had enough time to marinate into the real deal?
The answer is you don’t. And asking around among several friends further confirmed this terrifying thrilling newfound reality: love can blossom far quicker than you might think.
Love can also take time, of course. But it can also smack you right in the schnoz -- like that latte someone left on top of their car and forgot about that went sailing straight from their roof and all over you (Sharing for a friend…not personal experience.)
Here though, I do speak from experience. Once upon a younger adult me, after a recent split (and starting a new job and moving to a new city, but NBD) I’d been stressed out of my [questionably stable] mind. And naturally, that’s when one night a handsome dark horse emerged before me at the bar and offered to buy me a drink. I thought, what the hell, why not?
But that little “what the hell” soon turned into a whopping “what the hell…” and this wonderful unicorn of a person proceeded to sweep me away like that plastic bag Katy Perry sings about.
Where did this guy come from? I knew little about him except that he was, after all, unlike anyone else I’d ever known. How can someone be both confident and still shy around me? Sophisticated and silly? Completely comfortable with himself, and yet not without some self-deprecating humor. He was also, despite his financial success and status, more down-to-earth than an earthworm.
It was everything my last relationship – and every other one before it – wasn’t. And I relished it.
Except that it scared the hell out of me.
Deep down I started to realize it wouldn’t work, as certain topics started brushing by as we danced around them to avoid anything that would pop the balloon that was our whirlwind romance.
So after weeks of watching my mind and my heart duke it out, and flying into a terrible self-panic, I broke it off. Amicably, but suddenly. Who yanks themselves out of the honeymoon phase before it ends? And I then spent the next month waking up terrified of my own pain, already dreading the day ahead of me; and the next four months, determined that no one else would ever live up to what he was to me.
The relationship lasted six weeks.
And so, dear ones, I leave you with these three lil’ tidbits I learned throughout:
Beware of the honeymoon phase
This might irritate you, but you have to acknowledge that your emotions do cloud your judgment. Ever heard of a thing called retail therapy? My last partner, who had to leave the country for the summer for work, and I shared an emotional goodbye. After dropping him off at the airport, I promptly went out and dropped $200 in Walgreens…Who does that? I don’t do that. But because it was an emotional day for me, I went for something that would distract me or bring me comfort. And that happened to be false eyelashes…and a bunch of other crap I didn’t need.
My point: when it comes to making decisions, don’t let your emotions hop in the driver’s seat.
Don’t completely abandon your logic
It’s incredibly fun to get swept away in romance. Just like in the movies, the notion seems thrilling and even romantic itself…until it’s not. Therapists warn that this behavior may be a sign of dysfunction on either or both sides of a new relationship, and the fling can fizzle just as fast as it began. If you don’t allow enough time to determine if this person gets a second interview, how can you know if they’ve earned it? Enjoy yourself? Yes! But keep your head on your shoulders and use your judgment when you’re still getting to knowwww someone.
One word ladies: standards. Underline that shit and highlight it in three colors. Sweet loves, if someone were to ask you what you’re worth, what price tag would you give yourself? Is it two or three drinks and a few clever lines? Or is it investment and commitment someone shows you over time? With a handsome face grinning in front of you, it’s easy to live in the moment and just f*** everything else, thanks very much, k thanks bye. But they are still getting to know us, which also means they’re learning what standards we hold for ourselves. Give enough time to kindly – but firmly – start helping him understand your worth. This way, you can have your standards already out in the open before your feelings can tempt you to compromise.
Cover image via Women's Health