How to Take it From BFF to BF
Ah, those funny things called feelings. Feelings can hit you like a lightning bolt or come on gradually over time. We’ve all had crushes, but it’s the rare friend-that-you-wish-was-your boyfriend that’s the tough spot to be in. They're cute, smart, sweet, everything you want in a significant other, but somehow you both ended up comfortably and mutually in the friend zone. Aside from some low-key flirting, and subtle remarks, you've never had the discussion (or even an action) that has taken you from friends to more than friends. Maybe it's the weather, maybe you just listened to ‘Ruin the Friendship’ by Demi Lovato, or maybe you just got a random burst of courage, but you officially want to take things to the next level.
So, your mind starts turning over with fantasies about friendship turning into a relationship and how to go about the whole thing. You try to play it cool, but have so much left unsaid on the tip of your tongue. Sometimes it’s best to get our feelings out on the table, but what about the risk of losing or changing the friendship dynamic? Even if the BFF doesn’t feel romantically towards you-- the friendship is still important and you don’t want to ruin it. So what’s the game plan to investigate if he feels the same way?
First, you are going to want to spend some time with your own feelings. Create space away from your BFF for a few days to get a good grip on how you really feel. Writing is a fantastic, free and accessible tool that will help you figure out the possibilities and scenarios that could play out when you tell your BFF you’re interested in more than friendship. Do not just play into the best-case scenario, but also think about how it’s going to feel to be rejected. If you enter the conversation knowing that your BFF may not feel the same and have already felt those feelings on your own, you will be in a stronger place for whatever the answer may be.
Second, check on his current relationship status. Does he mention a girl he’s been casually seeing? Is he all up in his Tinder every time you hang out? Have you met girls he’s taken on dates? If so, this may not be the best time to chat about a future relationship. Waiting until there is a lull in his dating life helps to reduce distraction and allows him the space to think about what a relationship with you would be like (if he hasn’t already). If he is currently dating someone, make time to allow your friendship bond to grow stronger. Share unique experiences together in the meantime.
Third, reveal that you think he would be a great partner. See how he reacts to this. Does he smile and move on in conversation or does he relish in this comment? If he relishes in the compliment, go a little further. Tell him that you really enjoy your time together and you’ve been starting to “develop feelings for him beyond friendship.” Phrasing the idea of you two together in this way allows him to enter into the conversation without a lot of pressure. When there is not a ton of pressure on the conversation, he is more apt to discuss his feelings and thoughts in a true and openhearted way.
We know this is a tough spot to be in, but spending time to decipher how you feel, check his current status, and easing into the conversation slowly is a great way to discuss taking the relationship from BFF to BF. If it doesn’t work out the way you hoped for - you’ll still have a great friend and know that there’s someone incredible out there hoping they find someone like you.