Academy Award Looks That Slayed The Night, And Lost The Night

It’s the biggest night of the year, and yeah, sure- while it’s “all about the films-” let’s be real here: the fashion is one of the most important components of the night. Here are the top ten looks that slayed the red carpet, and the top ten looks we’d like to erase from our collective memories.

Slayed

Mirai Nagasu

The ghost of Grace Kelly must be floored right now, because U.S. Olympic figure skater Mirai Nagasu is a vision in this light cornflower-blue gown. It’s reminding me heavily of Under the Pink-era Tori Amos, and I am truly obsessed with it. I’m tempted to cop the inevitable TJ Maxx version of this dress ASAP. 

Allison Williams in Armani Privé Couture

Allison Williams is serving some Rory Gilmore realness in this to-die-for nude Armani gown. It’s classy, it’s understated, it’s everything. Williams is having herself a real-life Princess Diaries moment a la Anne Hathaway, and I’m so thankful I get to witness it. Based on this dress alone, I think I can forgive her for Peter Pan Live! now. 

Betty Gabriel in Tony Ward Couture

The Get Out star is absolutely glowing in this turquoise number. Gabriel looks like a forgotten sea goddess, like she should be carved into the head of a Viking warship. Her simple berry lip and pulled-back hair add to the casual-yet-stunning essence of this look.

Eiza Gonzalez

Eiza Gonzalez has made a bold move by decking herself out in Gen-Z yellow. It’s incredibly simple, sure- but that’s what makes it so unwaveringly beautiful. For the Oscars, this minimalist dress is a daring look, but Gonzalez pulls it off seemingly effortlessly. 

Helen Mirren in Reem Acra

Okay, okay, okay, I get it. Helen Mirren basically wears the same thing at every awards show ever, but it’s because a) she’s the queen of branding and b) she’s the QUEEN. Case closed on that one. I can only hope I look this good by the time I go gray.

Jane Fonda

Jane Fonda is dressed like she’s the morally-ambiguous President in any dystopian YA novel ever penned, and I’m here for it (SIDE NOTE: if any of you would like to pen some elaborate fanfiction involving this concept, feel free to email it to me). Sleek, refined, and stunning, Jane Fonda is pulling our wigs off one at a time. 

Allison Janney in Reem Acra

I want to take this moment to tell you that I have loved Allison Janney since the minute I saw her in Ten Things I Hate About You and I have continued to love her ever since. Honestly, it’s like watching your mom win an Oscar, in the best way possible. This Reem Acra gown has a sort-of medieval flair to it (check out those sleeves!) that feels both modest and experimental.

Janet Mock

Writer and transgender rights activist Janet Mock is absolutely GLOWING. If Jane Fonda is the morally-ambiguous and ever-so-slightly corrupt dystopian YA villain, Mock is the resistance leader who ends up saving the world. Another thought: I think Janet Mock just re-invented capes, guys.

Chelsea Peretti 

Miss Chelsea is NOT letting us breathe tonight. A red velvet cut can make or break you- you’re having to walk a tight line between flat-out gorgeous and Jessica Rabbit impersonator. Peretti, thankfully, holds the former. Call Chelsea Peretti? Uh, yes PLEASE, y’all.

Rita Moreno

Rita Moreno is the true best-dressed goddess of the night, wearing the same EXACT dress she wore when she won for West Side Story back in 1962. Everything about this look has me shook. The head wrap! The earrings! The statement necklace! The GLOVES! When will your fave ever? 

Lost

Elisabeth Moss

I don’t hate this look, but I certainly don’t like it, and I think it’s because it reminds me of all the times as a young, edgy teenager when I had to be a bridesmaid/flower girl/program-passer-outer and I couldn’t wear my Taking Back Sunday shirt and instead had to wear an iteration of a dress that looked EXACTLY like this. Elisabeth, I feel your pain tonight. 

Sunny Ozell

I thought this was Catherine O’Hara at first and CLUTCHED my pearls. But no, it’s Sunny Ozell, the singer-songwriter wife of Sir Patrick Stewart. This look is giving me vibes akin to whenever my mom made me watch Days of Our Lives with her, and in the episode a fancy party was being thrown and a mysterious figure from someone’s past showed up. It’s mid-50’s sad-piano-bar-singer chic. 

Kelly Ripa

I’m not sure what this dress is trying to say. I feel like Amy Adams in Arrival and I’ve got to communicate with this thing. What do you want? Why are you here? When will you LEAVE?

Sara Haines

Sara Haines is serving up some faux-bridesmaid realness in this outfit. This is the type of dress your aunt’s friend Kristi would wear as the Maid of Honor at your aunt’s rustic-farmhouse wedding, but she’d accidentally have one too many sangrias and end up ruining her speech at the reception. Classic Kristi. 

Abbie Cornish in Elie Saab Couture

There’s something about this look that made me think that this was accidentally a still from the 2009 Country Music Awards or something, but it’s not. It’s at the 2018 Oscars and it’s real. If the Golden Globes red carpet taught us anything, it’s that art-deco is out. It has been out since its 70’s revival and it should NOT be brought back any time soon. I blame The Great Gatsby and Leonardo DiCaprio’s stupid, perfect face for literally ALL of this. 

Lindsey Vonn

This dress is very Black Swan. If there wasn’t a fluffy, tulle tail to this gown that created a Swiffer-like effect, maybe I’d like it. Okay, maybe I’d TOLERATE it. Also, see above for why I loathe art deco and why this trend needs to be buried ASAP. 

Paz Vega in Christopher Bu and Chopard jewelry

There’s a lot to unpack here. It’s very Gwen Stefani in her Love Angel Music Baby phase, where she was obsessed with Japan for some reason or another and we were all okay with it because she’s Gwen Stefani and she can do whatever the hell she wants. Was it art or borderline cultural appropriation? Hard to say. What were talking about, again? This dress or whatever? Oh, yeah. Still. No thanks. 

Agnes Varda

Agnes Varda is a badass bitch and can do no wrong in my eyes, but I don’t have it in me to put this on the slayed-looks-of-the-night list. I feel like she’s a forgotten Wes Anderson character that owns a kitschy bed-and-breakfast in the middle of the New Hampshire woods and can, like, secretly do magic or something. That’s the only scenario where this outfit is appropriate. 

Salma Hayek

Salma, Salma, Salma. When will you learn? While I loved your subtle black-and-red number at the Independent Spirit Awards last night, this is a nightmare. What Party City in the Los Angeles tri-county area exploded? Who allowed this look to go on, and how do I report them for war crimes?

Diane Warren 

I want to like this, I really do, but all I can think of is Joan Jett and how the biopic about her life hasn’t been made properly yet (looking at you, 2011’s The Runaways) and how, based on this outfit alone, Warren would be the perfect choice for the role. However, it is one of the more tragic looks of the night, and I can’t let it slip by without calling it out.