The Bachelorette Recap Episodes 1-3: Hannah Is The Southern Charm We Needed
Bachelor Nation, we’ve missed you! Colton’s Bachelor season was all kinds of a lot of things whether y’all loved it or not, but whatever your thoughts let’s shoot it straight - the ladies are ready for a Bachelorette season because that means it’s raining mennnnnnn hunnies.
This season, yours truly is gonna walk you through the highlights of each episode, recap what you missed, throw in my own two cents here and there (whether y’all asked for it or not, that’s what you’re getting) and speculate what we can expect later in the season.
Picking lil’ miss Alabama Hannah Brown as the next bachelorette caused quite the stir among fans of the franchise for a few reasons. Traditionally, those who get tapped as the next lead make it much farther along in the previous season they joined, but as a contestant for potential bachelorette pick, Hannah was sent home relatively early on Colton’s season. Add in her pageant queen drama with Caelynn, the awkward and cringe-tastic first date with Colton, and her perpetual smile in all settings (good, bad, and ugly, people), Hannah B. seemed an odd pick as the next bachelorette.
But I’ll say this: she grew on me. Once she shed her pageant queen shell of glitter and permanent smiling, Hannah found comfort in her own skin and in simply being herself. As Vanity Fair puts it, Miss Alabama will be our reliably “perfectly imperfect” new lead, and the show is depicting her just so.
Let’s walk through some highlights of the season so far, particularly what went down this week in week three…
Hannah’s edit. For the first time in the franchise, the show is casting their lead in a more honest light. Their B-role walks on the beach or through the woods are so incredibly serious, dramatized, or otherwise sensationalized with all the acting and setting and lighting, we forget that it’s all staged.
But not so with ‘bama Hannah. Instead of sticking with a somber or pensive stroll and leaving it clean, they keep rolling film long enough for us to watch her dissolve into giggles, or listen to her say “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my hands…?” To me, it’s refreshing, unprecedented, and a nice new flavor to a season looking for a new spin to the show.
Connor S. and the sick day. My. Gosh. Somebody stick a fork in me, ‘cause I’m literally done. I have to think that they could have planned Hannah “feeling under the weather” the same day she picked Connor S. for their date. He is the soft-spoken and unflustered token athletic nice guy that played football but never conformed to the rowdy nastiness of his teammates. He seems, so far, a sweet level of innocent that is wholly endearing and not cringe.
And then the notes he left Hannah. All. Over. Her. Room. I’m grasping for words, y’all. I hope above all hopes that this was his original idea and not planted by a cheeky producer trying to stir the pot of all our feels. I really think that was his call, though. Their cuddling and snuggling made me burst into a gaggle of glitter and rainbows.
John Paul Jones. As a District girl myself, I always want to root for fellow Metro area contestants who make it on the show. JPJ, who’s entire persona screams UVA (from his shoulder-length frat flow to his UVA campus namesake) hails from New Carrolton, MD (the train stop outside the city I used to hop on to commute from MD to DC, if anyone was wondering).
Can I just point out that his air time with Hannah has been next to nil? I think he’s far too busy throwing Blue Steel smolders at the camera, or gazing with pensive intensity (or intense pensiveness) at his fellow housemates as they vent their frustrations toward other men.
His week 3 highlight? Obviously, it’s sweet JPJ’s blood-curdling screams as he takes it to the gut with that contraction simulator. Poor kid had to watch every single other guy go before him, grown ass men writhing in pain, so I’m sure the anticipation made him clench every butt cheek muscle and abdominal with all his might (which makes the pain worse, bt dubs). It made for great tv and even better laughs among my friends. (Sorry if this is oversharing but we hope that’s not his Big O-face??)
ABC actually stands for “always be a BUTTHEAD”.
I feel obligated to make one mention of the Cam villain ordeal, but we’re not resting here long. The show needs a villain, they found themselves a villain in this jabroney, but now he’s been sent home and we can all move on with those “here for the right reasons.”
Tyler C. Let’s end this whole wrap up on the highest of notes. Y’all, even my boyfriend is hardcore man crushing on Tyler C. If I’m being honest, I was not a fan of his intro cameo of shirtless dancing a la Footloose. But I needed some warming up...and consider me warmed up. I am here for his charisma and charm (some dudes hate on it but ya know what TAKE NOTES OKAY BECAUSE GIRLS FLIPPIN LOVE IT) and I’m sorry who taught you how to dress?? It’s incredible! His salmon blazer/black T combo for the freakin’ winnnnn, hun.
Also I was dying at the pregancy/infancy group date lesson and his shameless listing of the approximate few things he knows about pregnant female anatomy: they get bigger, and they get hungry. But homeboy says he’s willing to learn, and what more can we ask than that?
Did anyone catch his flexing/posing even while being jolted with violent electric currents by the labor contractions simulator? Yep...me neither…
What do we think so far? Will Hannah find love? Will she pick a Southern boy to match, or stray into Florida (doesn’t count) or LA? Will John Paul Jones trade his Blue Steel for another expression? Only time (and Reality Steve) will tell…
Homework: hop on former Bachelor participants Ashley I’s and Ben Higgins’ podcast “Almost Famous” and listen to Ashley’s interview with Hannah B. It was delightfully fun and showed a new, unruffled, more settled side of Hannah. Enjoy!
Cover image via Meaww